Monthly Archives: July 2006

Lights out

It’s been a steam bath the last couple of days. So when my trusted weather man (insert Nguata Francis or the hilarious adaptation of Shariff Nasir by redykyulass) said that we were expecting some showers, boy was i glad. Little did i know what would transpire as a result of having been running around my teepee like the Red Indidan that i am, praying for rain.

I had the day off. So i spent it the best way i know how…in bed. I slept and finally dragged myself out at around noon. It was already sizzling outside so even my plans to go to the bank were but on the back burner. After brunch which consisted of cereal, i went back to bed…again.
Hunger pangs finally got the best of me plus i wanted to save on electricity so i left the house at around 3pm. I was already disappointed with the weather forecast. I had been hoping that the rain would have started so that it could cool off. I dropped by the local library- for a read as well as enjoy their free a/c while at it.
Not long after it started raining and i just don’t mean, a little sprinkle here and there, it was wicked weather.

After the weather finally subsided i head back home. I gotta say i never thought i would ever experience this in a country that brags about being a 1st world: powert had gone out. It was still early so i thot to myself, this wont last the lights will be back in about 30 minutes.

1 hour later…

Still no power.

It started to rain…again and i decided, “Why not take a nap after all it was still early and by the time i wake up the power will be back.”

I woke up at 9pm and the power was still not restored.

I went into a slight panic…

I found out that i had forgotten all my “Power outage survival skills” that i had when i was back in Jamhuri.
I had no torch, matches, lighter, tilly lamp and the only candle i have is a scented one.
I hop over to my neighbor with my scented candle and ask for matches. I asked what’s going on with the power, coz trust me these people have no patience- you know someone on the block had called the police station, the power company, 311 and 411. Something to do with the storm knocking out a transformer bla bla bla and the kicker was that they would restore power at around 4.23am, i know AM!! WT…H?!!
It’s a Friday people, there may not be anything worth flipping or setting TiVo for (Kaggz) but darn it i needs my electricity, even if i will be using it to watch C-SPAN.

I head back to the house and decide to make most out of it. On my coffee table is a Ludlum that i had started reading last September but never got round to finishing it. So here i am holding the book over my Yankee Candle trying my best to get my read on. After about an hour i can’t take it. I go for a ride, to see just how bad this power crisis is and would you know, it’s only 2 blocks that are in the dark. Now i’m envious of the rest of the people with power. I don’t know them, but i feel like making a visit to their comfy, air-conditioned house and ask for a glass of cold milk.

Now your probably saying, “Si you could have gone out?” Well you see this is not like the estate back home where we would all gather outside and make plots for the evening. Most of the people here tend to keep to themselves, well unless you live in the projects where Nay-nay and ’em will be outside on the steps yelling and cussing people out.
Plus, holding the candle jar over my closet looking for something cute to wear- that will probably need some ironing- was not exactly thrilling and it feels like 85 degrees in the room.
So i decide to fish for my phone and call somebody- okay anybody at this point- and just like in those crazy horror movies, my phone needs to be recharged (i have 2 bars left!) After a call here and there checking out on people i have spoken to in months, my phone dies in the middle of a conversation! I turn it back on and try calling back and it clearly tells me “Battery needs recharging” and goes off again. The car charger is the only one that would work right about now and i can’t dare venture outside with that lighting flashing like paparazzi cameras. Uh-uh i am not going down toasted.

Next plan of action…sleep.
With the help of my trusted candle i look for a sleep aid, coz at this point my body is tired of sleep and i have to lure it down. The only entertainment i have is my CD man- thank God for small mercies, it actually had batteries in it.I look around for my “We are the world headphones”. After i saw that report on i-pods and going deaf, the bigger the headphones the better.

Finally fell asleep 2 hours later and for some strange reason i wake up at 3:52am expecting to find power back on…nada!

The power was finally restored at around 11am this morning.

I honestly felt like life had come to an end just because i did not have electricity. Could this be the effects of being too westernized?

So my question to you is if you live abroad, have you ever gone thru a black-out situation and if so what did you do?


Posted by on July 22, 2006 in Uncategorized



When will summer be over so that regular tv shows can resume?

Summer shows blow- MAJOR!! Can’t stand them.

And most of all…I miss the Prison Break.



Posted by on July 18, 2006 in Uncategorized


Things that make you go eish?!

Summertime is here and you know what that means: bbqs and beach bumming non-stop.

Here’s my observation on the kenyan man at a bash near you.

Disclaimer:Sorry i gotta throw the mwananchi under the bus…for now.

Having been to several Kenyan bashes, i gotta admit i tend to get this ‘deja vu’ all the time.
Normally i don’t roll with the kenyan croud as much now as i did before.(Been there, done that and have moved one).
I still love my people, as much as they are disfunctional, haters, liars, will sleep with your partner, back-stab etc etc.
You check into the compound and you can clearly tell were your peeps are at coz the ngoma is pure genge and there’s always a civilian with a loud kicheko, teeth all out, gums showing. By the time you get to the door, you are already anticipating a good time. Then you check into the crib…

The first people you meet in the living room are chicks, in small groups just chatting away. Oh, and the tv is on and on Lifetime. Which makes me wonder if a crazed gunman entered the diggz, mamaz would be 1st to be lalishwad chini for life and where are the men, pray tell? In the kitchen/ dining room area (basically where the feed or music is) huddled together holding beer bottles, looking like they were banished from the living room for life.
Yaani syke just ishas on the spot. Iz of how?

Why, o why do kenyan men never mingle with kenyan mamaz in a bash? I don’t mean all but a good % just stand around looking lost, others are busy ogling you down trying to figure out what color panties you got on while others are just plain staring at ya which is mighty creepy.

You can tell the guys wanna get close but the will just keep giving you the puppy eyed look for about 4 hours until you bump into him at the ‘eats table’ when you are busy trying to pack your plate with kachumbari and chapo.
Now that is not the best time to approach a chick coz as much as we are trying to put tons of salad and only 1 drumstick on our plate (to show that we don’t eat much). We are secretly wishing that you would step away so that we can pile on the plate and take it back to our corner.
Plus chances of me remembering your name while my eyes are feasting on a bowl of pilau are slim to none.

I am not bashing the men, please i know kenyan mamas are not a walk in the park too. Yes we stare you down, whisper something to our pal about you and giggle, roll our eyes and whatnot but hey?…it is what it is in the animal kingdom. I know its almost 2010- and we are all jam packing a KQ flight to go watch the World Cup in S.A- still, mamaz as much as we have it on and popping and doing our thing, we still want the man to make the first move. It’s innate. I mean we can step up to you but then we will be branded as hussies, fast ass and whatnot, which may not be the case, but i will not delve into the small mindedness of some men. Sometimes we want to you to step up and say something…

It would greatly help if:

1)When you come up to me, be confident in your delivery. A ka-weak ‘hi, what’s your name’ and all the while looking like you are about to shrink out of your skin is a major turn-off. Kwani you haven’t eaten? you hungry or something?!

2) When you get my pals to make me come over to where y’all are so that you can get to chat me up, relax bana. I don’t eat people, neither am i the FBI coming to quiz you about some incident involving narcotics. The guy is sooo tense he is tripping over his words, you don’t have to unleash everything about yourself in one breath.

3) You maintain eye contact. Okay let me just tetea myself here. I suck with names big time, but i remember faces and places. If you are being shifty with your eyes, i will remember you as “nanii, the jamma with the throwback jersey, sijui he told me he is from Chi-town…”

4) You got the hint. No means no. If you are trying to throw darts and unangukia patupu, please let me be. It ain’t gonna work.

5) You did not come up to me drunk as a skunk, sluring words and nyeshaing on my face, telling me to take your business card and call you tomorrow for a lunch date.
You are clearly not Micheal Power despite drinking Guinness all night long. Keep your beer breath and slury words to yourself.

Here’s the kicker: when a Kenyan dude has wack game, mamaz lenga his vibe and she ends up with a foreigner (insert Naija, kenyan men arch-nemesis) and peeps get mad they are calling for your blood. It ain’t our fault that their corrupt talk got us all in a tizzy. LOL! Chelewa chelewa…
I’m not saying they are better that our men, neither am i a paid spokesperson to advocating for them…


I guess all i’m trying to say is: kijana weka beer chini, straiten out them shoulders and act right. That’s all.


Posted by on July 6, 2006 in Uncategorized