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Category Archives: Sigh

Prodigal men

They are baaaaacccckkkk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My stalker 🙂

and my ex… *gasp*

Okay so, let me start from the top. My ex… yes, yes, the one i was pining about months before is back in my life…

No, we are not dating or sexing. We talk… we talk a lot… a whole lot… hmmm

We did stop all forms of communication after i found out that he was dating behind my back (so to speak) and didn’t tell me about. I huffed, and puffed and cut him off. Then…well, i proceeded to pine and pine some more until i couldn’t take it anymore and stopped, i was done. Fast forward a couple of months later, he decides to send me a text out of the blue.

Of course my heart was beating 120beats per second then it stopped and dashed to my mouth when i saw his number flash on my phone (had deleted him- i was moving on you know). I actually broke out in a cold sweat. Typical chic i am. Ha!

I did text him back and one thing let to another badaboom, badabing, we are chatting it up like old pals.

He did tell me that him and ol girl were kaput. I was secretly happy- i know, how evil of me. But how many of y’all haven’t done a happy jig when the next relationship your ex has doesn’t work out?! Don’t be shy now, raise that hand up high and wave it!!!

He does have an agenda though- wants another chance to love me.

Ummm, yeah… I am not to sure about that.

Right now, i’m staying guarded and just letting the men duke it out. I don’t want to open myself up to the wrong person and get hurt all over again, even if it’s an ex.

He came to visit me a few weeks ago and i was in a panic before i said “yes”.

He had never come to visit me  while we were in the relationship. I  had a roommate then and we had a “no men allowed” policy, ever since one of my roomies men rolled up to the crib unannounced and found me in a bath towel!!! I finally got my own place so now, i finally have the privacy i have always craved.

We had fun though- we went out and he met my legendary friends. Yes i know you are wondering… did i give it up?

NOPE!!!

We made out though. Boyyyyy let me tell you that i was missing being touched BIG time. What?!! I felt alive. LOL!!  I could feel the weakness creeping up on me and wanting me to just say, “Fuck it, sex me real good!”

Too bad common sense was gnawing at me like a bad rash all thru the steamy sessions we had.

*sigh*

-A part of me does want him back. I  guess because i’m used to him. You know like those old sweats that you have. They are comfy and you know how they feel and move on your body.

-Another part of me wants something more that’s currently out there.

Sometimes i do wonder if i made a mistake getting back in communication with him. A few of my friends think so. “Let sleeping dogs lie…” “what’s in the past should stay in the past…” “he’s an ex for a reason…”

I don’t know people. I don’t know.

Oh yeah and then there’s the return of the stalker. *insert eye-roll*  He is not even worth to be in the stalker hall-of–fame section no more- so over him and his antics. We hanged a few months back and we did end up kissing.

I did let him know upfront that i was feeling him. Clearly that is not what he wanted to hear. Probably wanted to hear something in the lines of , “hey, why don’t we just have casual sex in the meantime while we deicide if we really wanna be together.” PFFT!!! Not with me he won’t. I don’t do casual sex.

All or nothing has always been my motto.

After a few calls and texts later, i did extend an invitation to him. He responded back… a friggin’ day later with a lame excuse to boot!!! I have never cursed a man like i did him that day!!! That did it for me. I was done with him. Did my pontius pilate routine and kept it moving.

After months of silence between us, he send me a text last week. Asking why i’ve been so quiet bla bla bla… Bunch of small talk later, he wants to see me. I swear the nerve of this negro!!!!

I haven’t said yes… or no, just a we’ll see.

In other news, it’s birthday week for me. Y’all know what that means: drinks, drinks and more drinks…  (hic)

The ex did send me very pretty flowers. Look at him trying to wiggle his way back into my heart. I teared up when i received them… damn him!!! *shakes fist*

Aren’t they pretty?!!!

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Posted by on October 12, 2010 in Relationships, Sigh

 

So,

It’s 3 in the morning and insomnia is at an all time high.

I subconsciously have been asking for a sign. A sign that tells me which way to go (relationship wise).

My receiver has been getting all kinds of messages and i couldn’t seem to figure out which one was the right one…

until a few a hours ago.

I saw my ex in a pic with some girl and the body language said it all. Since then i have been 😦

Let me back track and explain. We started talking again. Nothing serious just a few text messages, checking up on each other. I’d be lying if i said the texts didn’t give me hope of a reconciliation.

I did notice that he took long to respond back as well as the responses being vague and distant. Well a flag went off in my head that said “he must be preoccupied with someone else.” But as usual when you are blinded by love, you find every excuse in the book to justify it.

I had spoken with a mutual friend a while back and they were of the opinion that we should try to make it work. Well i gave their words a lot of thought and started mentally working on how i can make give this relationship another shot. I mean we are all not perfect and there’s no relationship that doesn’t have it’s share of ups and downs. I was so ready to jump back on the saddle. Gosh, I was ready to go to any length to get him back!!

So isn’t is funny how on the day i FINALLY decide to muster up all the courage in me and let him know how i really feel and that i want another go, i come across “the picture” on my friend’s album.

At first i gasped. First thought that came to my head was, “why is she that close to my man?”

Then my head started reeling. I stopped everything i was doing.

Got up and jumped in the shower to think.

The water is scalding hot yet i’m all numb and in a daze.

I start mumbling to myself. I have no idea what i’m saying.

I get out of the shower, put on my pajamas and paced around for a few minutes trying to think straight.

Then send him a text asking him who the girl was.

I get into bed, still in shock. Turn on the tv but i can’t see or hear anything.

So i pick up my phone and call my prayer partner. As soon as i heard her ask “what’s wrong?” I start sobbing so hard, she can barely understand what i’m saying. So we prayed, well she prayed, i was just crying.

I then fell asleep, woke up almost a few hours later and saw his reply… he’s pursuing her  😦 😦 😦

I guess i did set myself up to fail with my delusions of grandeur. Here i thought that he would call me one day and say “I love you girl, lets get back together. I miss you. I want to hold you in my arms. I want you back in life.” And i would reply, “I love you too baby, i want to be with you too. Lets make this work.” … *sigh* Pitiful ain’t it?!

I love really hard and it’s something in my personality that i can’t change. Trust me i have tried. So when it hurts, it hurts deep and long. That’s why i stayed away from relationship because i tend to fall apart when it’s over.

I guess the sign not only got through, but is out there for all to see.

 
6 Comments

Posted by on May 26, 2010 in Relationships, Sigh

 

Thank You!

For all the kind encouraging words you all have given me.

I think it’s best that what is in the past stay in the past. Although it’s easier said that done.

Oh well… one day at a time right?

 
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Posted by on May 13, 2010 in Relationships, Sigh, Uncategorized

 

So it finally happened…

klutz_logo

My fear got realised yesterday.

I went tumbling down a flight of stairs last night… IN HEELS!!

It was fight night and my friends were hosting a party at their crib.  So right after the match ended, i asked my pal to take me outside so that i could go and check on my car (you know how it is when you visit your friends who live in hood-ish areas).

So we start making our way down these steep stairs that they have. After the third stair, he tells me,” make sure you don’t fall…”

Whilst he was still talking, i started laughing and then i missed a step and… off i went!! I thought that i was going to stop halfway if i tried to break the fall… boy was i wrong!! I made it to the bottom of the steps and yes, they were that many!!

My friend came and helped me up apologizing profusely, asking if i was okay. He checked me to see if i has broken any teeth and limbs. Thankfully, i hadn’t. Then everybody in the living room came rushing to see what had happened since the tumble was THAT loud!!

We both walked out and went to the car so that i can change into my flats.  He walked me back into the house and i refused to let go of his arm until we were safely back in the kitchen. Yes, i had to go back up those same darn steps!!

I got an ice-pack and nursed the bruise of my hand, little did i know that i had major bruises in other parts of my body that i couldn’t feel at that moment.

After that, i was in no mood to party so after a few minutes of mingling, i went over to the guy’s bed and blacked out. When i woke up today morning, the combination of body aches and a hangover (courtesy of 3 homemade stiff screwdrivers) had me cussing at the thought of the long commute awaiting me.

I finally made it home safe, seeing that i was flying down the highway and took a shower to access everything. My left side is all battered up 😦

I have a huge bruise-the size of a cup coaster on top of my thigh, a scraped knee, a bruised elbow, leg and foot. My chin also has a bruise.

So as i sit here nursing myself slowly back to health, i have learned a valuable lesson… falling down the steps for anyone over the age of 25, is not cool.

And P/S:  my 3.5 inch heels survived! 🙂

 
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Posted by on November 15, 2009 in Rehab, Sigh

 

Oy Vey!!

My comp keeps clearing my cookies and it’s such a pain cause i do not remember all of my passwords (i have like 6… or more of them, so i just have some websites remember my info coz i can’t keep up!!)

So anyway after a weekend of hard drinking, i end up spending the rest of the week fighting off a nasty cold.

Alas, i’m back!!

Ain’t nothing as bad as trying to get your drink on with your sneeze on. Doesn’t gel my friends, doesn’t gel! What is with the flu strains going around? They are lethal!! I couldn’t get out of bed on tuesday!!

But thank King Jesus for healing, i’m alive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It’s a sunny afternoon but i am not venturing out, it is way too hot for me.  Plus i am in no mood to comb my ‘fro. God knows it takes a whole lot of will power to comb it during the week, don’t think i wanna touch it over the weekend.

I’m thinking of doing cute matutaz for the upcoming week… i wonder what my boss will say??!!

 
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Posted by on April 25, 2009 in Sigh

 

Great Googley Moogley!!

I know, i know… didn’t know the new year would get here that fast.

mama needs to get typing.

Got plenty of laughs for all y’all…. but now… i have a glass of red wine waiting for me and gotta update my facebook status!!

Happy Easter!!!

 
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Posted by on April 11, 2009 in Sigh, Uncategorized

 

Tags:

Something new everyday

So as i was skeeming thru the latest Cosmo… nah, not trying to get the latest sex skills… by the way do those things work? because i tell you you need a map, flashlight and some tape to find all these hot zones as well as stay turned on and work it!!  I mean is it ssex, or a surgery 201?

Anywhorgasm, i was reading about being a drunkorexia and i was like “hey, that me.” you know chics who eat little and drink much to so as not to gain weight…. i like the more traditional name “chakula kinywaji’ which stands for liquid food. The only problem that i am haivng with being a drunkorexia is that i am back to working out. So now it’s becoming more and more difficult to drink after i work out… and of course i can’t drink before the work, (even i know that), that would totally kill my buzz!!! :-p

Well, i console myself that at least i ain;t a drug-orexia… poeple who consume diet pills to lose weight.

With that sai,

Merry Christmas and  Happy NEW Year to all!!

Here’s *hic* to all *hic*

p/s: and i will resolute to blog more… i do need to start writing my blogs on word so that i can copy paste… mmhhh i will look for that program on my vista…which sucks ass!!

Anyway i’m rambling…

toodles y’all!!!

 
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Posted by on December 17, 2008 in Diet Diaries, Mumblings, Rehab, Sigh