Hey, Hey, Hey!
Missed me?! Coz i did you!!
Okay, i tried. I was tooo busy having soo much fun i kinda, sorta forgot that i had a blog to tend to.
*slap on the wrist* I have been a bad bad gal.
So while i sort out my laundry (coz a sista does have piles and piles of it) and try and finish last weeks deadlines, nibble on this.
I will be back with the drama that went down…
Monthly Archives: March 2006
Hey, Hey, Hey!
In my head Spring had already sprung and not a minute too soon.
So i have a fabolous vacation lined up(yes!) and i can’t wait to kick back and get some well deserved R&R. I promise no booze this time (i need to have memories of what happens when i go away).
I may lurk around the blogsphere, see what all’s ya doing.
The dating scene is both a frightening and exciting place. Exciting because you get exposed to different kinds of people. Frightening because sometimes the people we meet are just plain ol’ scary.
Blind dating is just another thing all together. I have been to several of these and “Oh! the horror!” Here’s one of them:
After coming out of a long term relationship, I decided to get on the dating bandwagon and become a serial dater. I turned to some of my pals who were pros in the dating scene. Before long, I was being hooked up left and right. I had a strict rule, the guys should not be in any kind of relationship and not psychos(yes I have been stalked several times and let’s just say it wasn’t pretty. The Kenyan Police force should open up a stalking division, but till then prayer works).
One of my pals was trying to sell this guy on me for months. When i had given them my list of demands, she swore that the guy was the one.
So we met up in town with my pal and hooked up with the guy in some joint on Koinange Street. (Okay the street during the day, wasn’t as notorious as it is at night). When we entered the cafe, and she intoduced us, my heart sank. I don’t care what people say, physical appearance is a must. The guy had unkempt hair, smoker lips, and my biggest turn off, long fingernails…urghh just nasty!! I tried my best to be pleasant while my mind wanted me to take off running.
After a bit of chit chat, we decided to ALL (coz i wasn’t about to go ANYWHERE alone with this guy) go out on Saturday night.
Come Sato night my pal showed up looking all pretty, i on the other hand did not even try to go out of my way to spruce up. I grabbed my pack of cigarettes and lighter(i anticipated a long night), ID and some cash. I have never been a fan of carry a whole tote bag to the night scene, You know what they say, “Travel light, travel far”.
In my head i am thinking that we are going to the hottest club that was on and popping then, K1. Instead of heading towards the Parklands area, the cabbie heads on to Forest Road.”Kwani where are we going?” I asked my pal. “Oh we are going to pick up the guy, at some joint then we will go klubbing.”
Now i should have listened to my conscience and knew that this was not going to be a good ‘date’ when we got out of the cab at some joint that was playing qk music in full blast and happened to spot one of my lecturers getting his drink on. But no i was trying to be a good sport and go with the flow.
The guy flagged us down, (yes those mathree styles) and we headed to where he was, a table full of other much older gentlemen and few mamaz who had seen better days. They were having a wedding committee meeting. I am quickly shown my seat(next to the guy if course, i quickly ignore that and sit next to my pal across the table from him). Drinks are brought chap chap together with nyam chom. I opt out of the meat deal and slowly sip my reds, praying that this would be over fast.
2 hours later…
The meeting ends and just in time because i was about to start pulling out my hair, one strand at a time. I straighten up and take in a deep breath. The guy asks where we want to go and in unison my pal and i reply “Klub House!” Is that a sigh i hear coming from him? Followed by a bit of mumbling under his breath? Oh well, i don’t care.I’m going dancing so he can sigh all he wants.
We jump into his car and i am beaming ear to ear. Even before we pull out of the parking lot, i am quickly thinking who among my pals would be there—
My thots are quickly cut short when we pull up at Roasters. I turn to my pal with a puzzled look. She turns to him and asks what’s up. The guy says something to the effect that he has to meet a business buddy, etc, we will only be there a few minutes.
So now i’m getting pissed because i was not informed before hand about all this mini stops we were going to make. I stiffly get out of the car and we go table hunting with my pal who is trying to soothe me. The guy tells us to order drinks and promises to be back soon. I need something strong, so i order 2 vodka shots and gulp them without a second thought, and order some more. I reach into my coat pocket and find my pack…It’s about damn time! 1 cigarette, 2, 3, i mean i am burning thru these babies like am about to receive an award. One of the guys we rode with, grabs the pack out of my hand(ati out of concern). My pal sees the “imma kill this f*cker if he doesn’t give me back my stuff” look, and tells him to give them back. ” Why are you chain smoking like this?” he asks. “Coz if i don’t, i may end up killing someone.” I leer back at him. “You don’t have to be soo mad,” He replys. “Oh, really, here i am freezing to death in this godforsaken place and my plans for a fun filled night are dashed and you are telling me not to get mad?”
“Leave my friend alone, let her smoke.” my pals finally interjects beacasue she knew that it if he did not stop pestering me it was going to become an all out war.
After 45 mins the guy comes back, smiling and whistling the lingala tune being played by the live band. My pal whispers something to him as soon as he sits down and I’m thinking’ “okay we are about to leave.” The guy instead orders a beer and tried to give me words of wisdom about being patient. So, now my eyes are doing backflips in their sockets, is this guy for real?! I swear were it not for the fact that that place was away from civilization, i would have walked home in protest.
We finally get up to leave, now i am not even talking coz i am thinking how i have wasted a perfect night trying to impress this goon. My pal is the one doing the talking now. Once we get on the highway, i loosen up because i am seeing the cigarette light at the end of the tunnel. “It’s not too late, we will still make it.”
We get to the junction and the guy, who is obviously the driver says that we have to drop off the other guy in South C. My mind went,”$#%@?!”
The guy gets dropped off at his crib and we make a turn back on the higway. Now, you know the night is over when you hear the mwadhini calling people for early morning prayer. I turn to my pal and tell her that i would rather if they dropped me off at home. Oh no! The guy wants to make good on his word to take us klubbing, by the time we get there, the place is closing and i had to convince the bouncer that all i wanted to do was use the bathroom. The guy then decides to try to make is up to me and we head to the nearest pub and buy drinks so that we can go and chill at his crib.
When we get to his place, he tries to pacify my with some psychological ish trying to loosen me up (yes, he was hoping to score, the nerve!). I grab my drink and the TV remote and flip channels and block him out of my ears. My pal who is clearly drunk sits on his lap and before long they are checking each others tonsils…(yeah…i was speechless too). They head off to the guys room where the moaning goes on for about 30 minutes.
They finally appeared and i quickly grabbed my coat and headed for the door, the guy got the hint and knew that i had enough of his BS. When we pulled up to the driveway, i jumped out of the car before he could make a complete stop, unlocked the gate and ran into the house. (Did not bother with pleasantries at this point).
My pal did call me a few hours later and tried to explain the night’s events. I did not need any of that mess explained okay, i was there when it all went down. I quickly brushed it off and told her that it would be a good idea if we just forget the whole thing.
You would think that i would have given up on blind date thing after that fiasco? No. I was out there yet again, meeting people that would make me question their sanity as well as mine .
We all have them. This one friend who annoys the crap out of you. Even today you still are trying to figure out why or rather how you became friends, but the answer eludes you. This friend is the one who shows up at your door announced and recks havoc on your personal space, leaving your serene environs looking like a sceen out of the pages of CSI- minus the yellow tape.
I had this dear friend(i call her dear because were it not for the love of God and the fear of jail-time, i would have strangled her long ago). I beleive she was a test in my life, coz she pushed my patience to the limit everytime she stopped by to “visit”.
She always dropped by on a Saturday afternoon, when i just planned to take it easy and plop myself on the couch and watch mindless tv. How she use to know i was home is still a mystery (maybe she had me bugged).
She never came in quietly, nooo she announced her presence from the parking lot. She would be talking loudly on her phone and barged in without knocking.
“Hey gal, wssup!”
“Hey.” my lame reply.
“Wssup, kwani your sick?” she asked.
“No, just bored and sleepy.”
“Wee, i’ll call you back.” she would tell whoever on the phone with her.
“So what’s for lunch?” she would ask as she made her way to the kitchen, dropping her purse on the seat.
“I ain’t got no food.” I replied.
“What about this mchele in the container?”
“That’s my dinner, i have no plans to cook tonite.”
“Sawa, si we buy pizza, i see you have coupons?” she would ask.
“Nah, i’m not in the mood for pizza.”
I hear cabinet doors opening and closing and glasses clinking. She is pouring juice as she whistles away some tune.
(Yelling from the kitchen) “Heh, where did you buy this coookies from?”
“The store next to jobo.” I muttered.
“Si, you buy for me and than i will pay you back?” She asked.
“Well if you give me $6 iw ill definately get you some.”
She finally appears with her hands full.
“Please get a coaster from the kitchen, i just vaccumed the carpet.” I said.
“What movie is that?”she asks as she returns.
“I have no clue, i found is going on.” I replied.
“Ebu finya the info button so that i can see the name.”
Lazily I oblige.
“Aaah, this movie is sawa. I have seen it before.” she quips.
“Don’t spoil for me the ending.” i quickly retort.
With no warning she gets up and heads to my bedroom. Shortly i heard drawers opening and closing.
I yell at her,”Girl what the hell are you looking for?”
She comes out carrying my new purchase, “Where did you get this parfum from?”
“Some guy bought it.” I lie
She sniffs it and sprays herself. “Mmmh he has nice taste. Do i know him?”
“What’s his name?”
Quickly thinking of a name she doesn’t know. “Kevin.”
“Is he kenyan?” She asks
Seeing that she is not going to be able to extract more information about ‘Kevin’ from me, she heads back to the room.
Her cell rings, her boyfriend. She begins to explain the parfum i have to him and tries to coax him into getting it for her.
She heads off to the bathroom and opens my medicine cabinet and shuffle stuff around as she continues yapping away on the phone.
“Gal i gotta go, my mano is taking me to the movies.” she says smiling.
“That’s nice.” I reply. (whispering) Thank God!
“Oh i need to pee.” she says as she turns back and goes again to the bathroom.
She comes out with 2 of my latest bathrooom reads. “I’ll bring back your mags kesho.” she says as she heads for the front door.
Before i have time to object, she slams the door.
I run to the door, open and yell back at her, “Don’t forget!”
“I won’t.” she replies. Waving her hand at me without even looking back.
Dang was that a visit? So i head back inside and make sure i lock the door and put the chain on it for good measure.
This went on for a while until i finally moved out and went far far away from her. I know i know she was a pain and i did put up with her mess, she was a fun chick to hang out with, when she wasn’t going thru my stuff.
The Grammys are on tonite– i mean the Oscars. Same difference.*yawn*
It’s just another showcasing episode of overrated, oversexed, overexposed nitwits receiving accolades for mindless work of art(insert brokeback mountain). I mean what is the big thrill over 2 men digging each others derriere? Hasn’t this being going on since the days of Lot? What’s the new fad, that they are cowboys?what?!
So the “stars” have finally crawled out of their cocaine-binges, sex-orgies and druken stupors to parade their well oiled, snatched back,lipod and botoxed bodies, coiffed hairdos and $1000+ veneers smiles to sadly remind us why they are overpaid to have a fabulous life while we, (joe q public) shell out $10 to watch them on the big screen are at home, in our pj’s, eating yesterday’s cold pizza.
Don’t get me wrong, I do believe in giving credit where it’s due, but do we need 20+ shows to boost celebz egos?! I can understand for the movies-Oscar, for music-Grammy, for daytimetv-Emmy. Why pray tell, do we need the Golden globes, Teen choice award, Peoples choice Award, BET Awards, AMA, VMA, RMA, Mtv Awards, NAACP Image Awards, Soul Train Awards, Vibe Awards, Source Awards,…eh someone give me a hand, i’m under a pile of trophies and i’m begging to lose feeling in my legs!
It’s insane and someone should put a stop to this madness!!
Dr. Phil should have a show that deals with self esteem give free advice to these weirdos.
What’s even worse is the post award shows that go on for about 2weeks. It’s unbearable. Entertainment shows clamoring for your attention with catch phrases like: “What you did not see during the show”, “behind the scenes scoop only we have”, “the fashion, the bling”, “what the winner revealed”, what you did not know about…” argghhh gimme a break!! It’s just the same old crap shot from a different angle.
So while these so called “stars” pretend to look shocked that they won, get on the podium, cry crocodile tears, thank “god”, their momma and the agent they slept with to get the script and later receive an insane high-end gift bag worth $50K and above, i’ll be in my jammies, knocking back drinks watching demented comedy on the other tv station.
Did you know…
That more babies are born in the month of September than any other month?
That the ear has nine muscles?
That 5% of people dream in color?
That if you weight 120 pounds on earth, you weigh 20 pounds on the moon?
That each of us have an odor that is unique like our fingerprints?
That the thrill of kissing comes from smelling unique odors of another’s face?
That women have a keaner sense of smell than men?
That a melcryptovestimentaphiliac is someone who compulsively steals ladies underwear?