Category Archives: Rant


Yes dammit! I’ve gone mother-f’ing green y’all!!

For now though…

still looking for that one template that will turn me out!

So, in the spirit of going green. I’m back on my weight-wagon. That is, after i burnt the last two and used them to make a bbq fire.
I need to lose 10lbs in 10hours!! And i am going h-a-r-d at it!
I was at some expensive Whole Food store today (dunno why or how i got there. I started driving and would not stop till i got to the store).

I walked in and bought the some price-jacked fruits and veggies i would by at the local grocer for a fraction of the price…only because these ones are “organic”. I mean what the hell is organic? Not had pesticide and herbicides sprayed on them? Give me a break, kwani these fruits and veggie are bodi like how? So after parting with a price that a gallon of crude-oil was going for in 1900, i walked out and didn’t even look back.

Anyway i will let all y’all know how Season 3 of “Diet-diaries” turns out. I am going back to working out 6 times a week as well… ugh! i’m already breaking into a sweat just thinking about it.

So in other mind-numbing news:

I was listening to Beyonces song “Beautiful Nightmare” and boy has she run out of steam lately.
I just wanna thank God for stopping the bleeding and swelling in my ears after listening to that sorry excuse of a song.

Relationships are hard! Aii it’s like a job within a job. I don’t know even where to start…?!! I see Acolyte has opted to stay single (lucky bastartd!!). But sooner or later Aco, it catches up to ya.
I have been told to tone down…apparently i’m to loud and have an alarming reaction to situations. Kelitu will be shutting-the-hell-up from now on. That is my promise to you!!

It’s funny how after all these years my white friends still don’t understand how hair-braidingis done. And i am tired of expalning it dammit! I’m tired of their shocked look when i tell them that i have to sit for 6 strait hours while someone adds freakin’ extensions to my natural hair. Let me be please, let me be.

With that being said, have a lovely weekend.
I am off to eat some rabbit food of some sort and proceed to pass out on me bed for the rest of the afternoon as a result of a fainting spell from not enuff food. I may just (on the other hand)open a bottle of wine and then the passing out will be legit.


Posted by on March 29, 2008 in Diet Diaries, Mumblings, Rant, Sigh, Stop the madness!!


I’m just saying…

Can we talk about hygiene for a friggin’ minute?!

I know men are always getting on women about being clean and smelling fresh, but men…can you please freshen up!!

Ugh!! I have come across my fair share of stank McStank stank men. You know those men who think that brushing teeth is over-rated, as well as taking a shower daily?!! We all know them.

I just can’t stand a man who does take pride in scrubbing himself clean. What are you afraid of? It’s you own body, clean it darnnit!!

Before my minute wraps up here are some spots(men) that you need to pay close attention to:

*neck- front and back
*ears (in and out) wax that wax-off!!!
*ankles…one of the perfect spots for dirt to accumulate. I don’t care if you wear socks daily… all the dirt trickles south so…get to bending and scrubbing.
*the small of the back…just coz you can’t see don’t mean you can’t clean it!
*belly button- it’s hollow so…do the math
* Lift you damn balls and scrub that scrotum clean!!
Last but not least, ass… better get to scrubbing that crack and feel no shame about it.

A clean ass does everyone some good!

Thank you!


Posted by on March 4, 2008 in Hygiene, Not today, sorry, Rant, Sigh


There, i said it!!

1) When i was growing up no man was hotter than George Micheal.
When he was in WHAM and when he came out with the song “Freedom” in the ’90s. I could eat him alive!!
He was the epitome of sexy to me.
Fast forward a few years later and the coke and cock (and not necessarily in the order) have made him all washed up like a beached whale!!!
Oh he looks awful. The only thing i would want from him in this day and age is the number to his brow-guy. Oh, his eyebrows are to die for!!!!

2)Will Smith is another hottie that has unceremoniously fallen off my list- well he did when my hairdresser told me a few years ago that he is into the swingers and gay-lifestyle. Just like George M, the cock is doing a number on how he’s aging. Plus the first that he is now a practising Scientologist…(nothing turns me off like man who denies Jesus!!)

3)I think Lipstick Jungle is a good show. I wish it wouldn’t drag soooo much. Argghhh!!!

4) Common (the rapper) can get it any time.

5) I have faked several orgasms and subsequently lied when asked if i came. (Yeah, well deal with it!!)

6) While making out with one guy i have thot of another guy i was into. (Yeah deal with that too. You do it to us too fellas.)

7) Being in a relationship is making me become vulnerable and my insecurities are starting to rear their heads- sucks!!

8) I sure hope my boyfriend is happy to have me. (Seee, what did i tell you about insecurities??! Damn!!)

9) I’m in need of a new life…??!!

10) No, i think my life needs a new overhaul…just don’t know where to start. Mmhhh, maybe doing laundry will help.

11)Fattening food sucks!!…but how do i enjoy every morsel??!!! yum yum.

12)I may need new pillows… I’m tired of waking up with a strained neck. (pssst, it’s part of the new life regime that i need).

13) I need a stiff drink… but, I’m fresh out of vodka.

14) The liquor store is far… plus it’s Sunday.

15) I’ll have wine instead.

16) Breakfast is important, esp when you plan to start drinking early in the day.

17)I need to get my exercising mojo back… Summer’s around the corner and i made a wager. Homeboy, will have to pay me.

18) Sleep is good, nightmares suck!! I mean what the…???

19) I need to talk to Jesus. STAT!!!

20) I love you all for putting up with my mess. *kisses*


Posted by on February 24, 2008 in Mumblings, Rant


Thumbs down!!

So the Giants won SuperBowl last night. Big Friggin’ deal!!! They are still a bunch of clowns to me.

I can’t stnad them and i hope they never come close to winning EVER again.

Now with that said, i do have a huge headache that needs to be tendered to… with some painkillers and some vodka!


Posted by on February 4, 2008 in Annoying, I'll pass, thanx, Not today, sorry, Rant, Ugh!



I’m wondering where do some men get off being all judgemental and stuff!!

Case in point; I was surfing this Kenyan website (no not Mashada, gave them up 3 years ago and have never looked back!! Thank you Jesus!!)
They have this section where you can upload pictures and stuff. So a few people have pics of random chics on there.
I tell you the venom most men put as comments has made me shocked, sad and pissed at the way Kenyan men view Kenyan women.
The sad thing: it’s the men who are more hateful than the women with their hateful remarks.

-If she is not all that, she is either luo or kale.
-If she happens to be pretty, she’s kikuyu.
-If she is fully dressed, they want her semi-naked.
-If she is in a bikini, she is better off naked.
Then some have the nerve to write that she is god-awful, mara she is beast-looking. I mean where the hell do you men get off telling a woman that she is a close resemblance to a primate?!! Have you looked in the mirror lately?!!
Why don’t you put up pictures of your own girlfriends and let other people judge. I wouldn’t be surprised most of them are shacking up with overweight,unhealthy, not-so-good-looking, out-of-shape women. Urghh!! That just pisses me off!

In other men news, i can wait to get my hands of the unauthorised autobiography of Tom-jumping on Oprah’s couch- Cruise…sounds like a tantalising read!!!
Knowing how much weight Tom packs in Hollywood, most of the regular tv shows will not be having the author on. But one little dusty radio show (that i faithfully listen to)will have him on next week. Can’t wait!!
Hopefully, something mysterious will not happen to him (the author whose name is seem to have forgotten) where he disappears off the face of the earth, like that dude who had Tom’s pictures in a compromising situation- with a another guy- was found dead in his home. Suicide they said…mmmhhh??!!


Posted by on January 10, 2008 in Iz Bilaz, Rant, Stop the madness!!, Uncategorized