It’s 3 in the morning and insomnia is at an all time high.
I subconsciously have been asking for a sign. A sign that tells me which way to go (relationship wise).
My receiver has been getting all kinds of messages and i couldn’t seem to figure out which one was the right one…
until a few a hours ago.
I saw my ex in a pic with some girl and the body language said it all. Since then i have been 😦
Let me back track and explain. We started talking again. Nothing serious just a few text messages, checking up on each other. I’d be lying if i said the texts didn’t give me hope of a reconciliation.
I did notice that he took long to respond back as well as the responses being vague and distant. Well a flag went off in my head that said “he must be preoccupied with someone else.” But as usual when you are blinded by love, you find every excuse in the book to justify it.
I had spoken with a mutual friend a while back and they were of the opinion that we should try to make it work. Well i gave their words a lot of thought and started mentally working on how i can make give this relationship another shot. I mean we are all not perfect and there’s no relationship that doesn’t have it’s share of ups and downs. I was so ready to jump back on the saddle. Gosh, I was ready to go to any length to get him back!!
So isn’t is funny how on the day i FINALLY decide to muster up all the courage in me and let him know how i really feel and that i want another go, i come across “the picture” on my friend’s album.
At first i gasped. First thought that came to my head was, “why is she that close to my man?”
Then my head started reeling. I stopped everything i was doing.
Got up and jumped in the shower to think.
The water is scalding hot yet i’m all numb and in a daze.
I start mumbling to myself. I have no idea what i’m saying.
I get out of the shower, put on my pajamas and paced around for a few minutes trying to think straight.
Then send him a text asking him who the girl was.
I get into bed, still in shock. Turn on the tv but i can’t see or hear anything.
So i pick up my phone and call my prayer partner. As soon as i heard her ask “what’s wrong?” I start sobbing so hard, she can barely understand what i’m saying. So we prayed, well she prayed, i was just crying.
I then fell asleep, woke up almost a few hours later and saw his reply… he’s pursuing her 😦 😦 😦
I guess i did set myself up to fail with my delusions of grandeur. Here i thought that he would call me one day and say “I love you girl, lets get back together. I miss you. I want to hold you in my arms. I want you back in life.” And i would reply, “I love you too baby, i want to be with you too. Lets make this work.” … *sigh* Pitiful ain’t it?!
I love really hard and it’s something in my personality that i can’t change. Trust me i have tried. So when it hurts, it hurts deep and long. That’s why i stayed away from relationship because i tend to fall apart when it’s over.
I guess the sign not only got through, but is out there for all to see.