Can you hear me now?

19 May

If you grew up like i did…in an African family setting (mud and grass thatched house, the scrawny-ever-hungry dog and the chickens with no hair on their necks) then you do understand where i am coming from with this…

The phone, the home-phone for that matter, was the 3rd most sacred piece of equipment in the house (after the Radio and colored Tv- most priced possession to date!!).

If and when the phone rang, life came to a standstill. With baited breath waiting to hear the response after the “hallo?”
Plus your small bro or sis beat you to it after the second ring, then proceeding to throwing them the dirty look.
Of course you would be dissapointed if it wasn’t your call (thanx to having no caller I.D.) Which makes me wonder the names that would pop up on the screen if we did. I shudder to imagine my 3rd cousin removed twice, mother’s sister husband twin calling to ask for money to come to Nai.

But i digress.

In short, i grew up respecting the phone.

Now imagine my shock when my boyfriend, a while back suggests that we indulge in Phone-sex.

“???!!!!” was what was going on in my mind.

I knew people did it and but had no clue as to how it’s really done.
I mean do i tell him am in sexy Victoria Secret lingere, while in reality i got on my Hanes 3-in-a-pack, tidy-whitey granny underwear with the no-roll waist band (okay seriously, why is that like band 5 inches thick??).

I told him that i was clueless, then he proceeds to tell me that it’s supposed to be virtual sex. I gasped!

“You mean that i actually have to *ahem* on the phone with you listening??”
“Ahh, yeah” he says laughing.

Now, i was thinking, if this was happening in the home setting (as detailed above), how in the world would that pop-off.
Lack of privacy is an understatement.
Case in point:

*The house-gal (maid) keeps passing back and forth with meals and clanking dishes. That is if you have a hallway phone, woe unto you if you only have the one located in the living room. Then she will ask loudly enuff that your sex-operator on the other side will hear, “Kelitu bado unata uji?”

*Mom has picked up the phone to call the neighbor/ best friend to gossip just in time to hear your man say “…then i want lick you slowly and hear you moan.” You know your ass is sleeping under the freeway… and we don’t even have those.

* One of your siblings wants to use the phone or worse, is waiting for a call. So they are constantly tapping your shoulder, or clearing their throat while tapping their wrists with their fingers ‘ati time, time’ (you know we ain’t got call-waiting).

Not that cell phone are better but, c’mon, it beats having that cord tangling you up as we as being tethered to that old dusty rotary phone…(ama we are the only ones who had that one as well?)

How did the hot-line loving go you ask?!

*big toothy grin* …says it all.


Posted by on May 19, 2008 in All things sex-related


8 responses to “Can you hear me now?

  1. sultrynutter

    May 20, 2008 at 17:15

    You are so funny! …
    so true though! I “vaguely” remember coming home early just to talk to my boyfi on the phone then when u hear the gate opening u hang up quickly kabla they hear ur convo or found using the phone…
    and being told to get off the phone “time, time- uve been there too long” and all i have said is hello!
    enjoy the hot line loving!!!:)

  2. the

    May 20, 2008 at 17:57

    appropriate for even the most inappropriate of moments, i assure you! 😀


  3. Msanii_XL

    May 20, 2008 at 18:35

    ahahaha phone sex hazards ehh?

    Ahh rotary phones… miss them kinda…


  4. neema divine

    May 21, 2008 at 12:43

    and exactly how do you do this phone sex thing? i have to take up a new hobby you know!

  5. Xs

    May 22, 2008 at 01:01

    Lucky you – you had phone at home…yetu ilikuwa kwa shop…yeah.

  6. Maua

    May 22, 2008 at 04:17

    I’m with Neema there, with Mr Maua thousands of miles away, I wanna know how I can kill that distance everynight and just get laid.

  7. Kelitu

    May 22, 2008 at 11:53

    sultrynutter: I used to cover the rotary phone at night (with a blanket) when my boyfi would call so that folks dont’ hear the ring.

    well Neema divine and Maua: i guess this calls for another blog.

    XS: pole…i can’t imagine getting a sexy call kwa shop.

  8. bomseh

    June 2, 2008 at 08:33

    Hehehe. Phone sex? Is it always honest sex, if at all it is sex? I like to believe that sex involves all the five common senses with sight and touch (in that order) being the most important.


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