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Porno- oh-no

05 Jun

I spent a good portion of my weekend watching porn- yes, yes, i know. I’m blooming with possibility nowadays *smh*

My pal gave me a copy to go watch and probably learn a trick or two(unbeknown to him, I’m quick the athlete) *maniacal laughter*

So this wasn’t the regular adult film with A-list actors. Nope, it was jam packed with g-list actors. G for ghettoooo. Oh, it was horrendous!!

First off let me say that 98%of the women featured need a cat-trap face lift…moment of silence…Their traps were drooping and looked very lifeless. Oh, i was sooo shocked i had to pull out a mirror and check myself (out of sheer paranoia)!!

So, there were a few scenes that had me rolling over in laughter.
Here’s a few that i remembered, because i fell asleep half-way.

There was this couple(clearly Hispanics) who just wanted to get video-taped doing the do. SO they are given a hand-held camcorder and they begin. Talk about clumsy, mara the dude has to stop what he’s trying to do to get the right focus, mara he gives his woman the camcorder to hold, it was a big ol’ mess. How they survived to the end was amazing to me.

Then there was this scene with a Japanese woman with big fake boobs and blond hair, so she gets out of the shower then the scene cuts to where she is getting it on with this dude who down on her wearing a mask…of a gorilla…yes people, a black gorilla mask!! I was like WTH IS THIS MESS?!!.
So when they were done she says,”Oh, you are such an animal.” And he says,”And you Jane.” I hit the floor in laughter. They were re-enacting Godzilla.

The scene that took the cake was this white blond woman and two black men, who in my opinion were West Africans.
So she’s busying helping herself to a dick-load(pun) all the while none of these two men touched anyway in her body,not the boobs not her sex…nothing(mmmhh typical of most African men).
So poor blond woman, none of these men went down on her, i can just imagine the conversation between the the men and the director.
D:Okay so we gonna have you two guys tag-team a nice looking blond woman
(The two west Africans laugh loudly and hi-five each other. then they turn to leer at the blond who walks into the room)
D:So it’s pretty routine, a bit of touching, kissing, feel free to go down on her.
W.A1: Oh-oh broda i don’t go down on a woman-oh,any woman for that matter-oh.
W.A2: Me too-oh. I don’t eat pussy-oh. The only fish i eat is when it’s fried and comes with foo foo.
D:Ok. no problem

Talk about a raw deal. One of the man had a member, i kid, you not, that must have been about 10inches!!
Now that’s were i draw the line. Oh hell to the naw!! I am not having that kind of one-eyed snake tapping my shoulder in the middle of the night asking me to answer the call of the wild.

Suffice to say, i now see where men get most of their skills from, the forcefullback of the head grabbing while blowing him and asking dumb question like should he come in my face…oh hell no!! I will take your member and beat you down with it if you dare that!!

Oh well, that just me and my crazy self.

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8 Comments

Posted by on June 5, 2007 in Uncategorized

 

8 responses to “Porno- oh-no

  1. Msanii_XL

    June 5, 2007 at 16:29

    ROFL I need to compose myself…

    People buy porn dvd’s?

    *Surveys Hard drive*

    will be back..

     
  2. boyflani

    June 6, 2007 at 01:02

    porn?!th@ caught my eye..*off to read*

     
  3. boyflani

    June 6, 2007 at 01:14

    chick, u r crazy. but am trusted n crazy..ha ha…will b checking u out..

     
  4. Aegeus

    June 6, 2007 at 04:07

    ROTFL …call of the wild in the middle of the night… yikes! Its only in porn where coming in her mouth or face is acceptable!

     
  5. modoathii

    June 6, 2007 at 08:50

    BWAHAHAHA!

    first that’s the worst cheap-arse porn you watched, bana tell that dude to hook you up with the proper shit…though they still have whack story lines.

    animal and jane…hilarious.

    i was sent here by some blogger and i’ve chekad…dame anawasha gode pia. naissss! will be dropping in again…mos def.

     
  6. kelitu

    June 7, 2007 at 13:26

    Msanii_xl: i don’t afford the pleasure of surfing those xxx webpages. I’m confined to the dvd(thank god not the vcr!)

    Boyflani: Your welcome. We all crazy. Thanx for stopping by! I’m checking you out too!

    Aegeus: True that! And men should stop thinking that that translates into the real world.

    Modoathii: Thank you for stopping by, tell a friend to tell a friend ama?!
    I’m off to look for some A-rated stuff from now on, although those tacky ones give you something to smile about eh?

     
  7. Quintessence

    June 8, 2007 at 15:59

    Hilarious…I’m with you on kuja’ing in mouth!!!

     
  8. >d®

    June 8, 2007 at 21:08

    Yaani I’m doubling up over here, especially about your re-enacting the convo between the 2 black dudes. Good stiff! I mean, stuff!

    Msanii, you’re a straight clown!

     

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