Have you Ever…

20 Aug

…Been in a situation where you break up with someone of the opposite sex and you were not actually going out in the first place?

A few weeks ago at a party…

I was sitting outside with a few friends and a not-so-sober pal who was upchucking her meal of the day. Minding my own business, this guy approaches me and starts small talk. He was well presented and seemed to know how to hold a strait conversation. He was clearly much different from the rest of the guys in the party- who were too drunk to afford manners. The talk was going on well until he whips out his cell phone and proceeds to ask for my number.
Now I have a policy about giving out my digits, “Don’t call me, I’ll call you.”

I tried to weasel my way out of giving out my number but he was soo instant that it was getting embarrassing. I didn’t have my phone with me coz my purse was big enough to hold a stick of gum and lipgloss. So I told him to write down his number and I will call him but, he wouldn’t have it.
Finally, I caved in and he punched in my numbers and then proceeds to call the number to make sure it’s not the number to the local police station. When he hears my voice mail he hangs up and then smiles at me and says, “You can now save my number.”
I give him a weak smile.

After a few moments of awkward silence… I decide to head back indoors and retrieve my other pal who is clearly having himself a jolly ol’ time and tell him that I’m leaving. Unbeknownst to me, the ‘guy with my number’ is hot on my trails asking me who am I looking for with such gusto. I murmur something to the effect of, “a good friend I came with.”
I meet my friend who gets he is clearly looking upset after I brief him that not only am I leaving but that I need him to direct me out of this place (coz God knows which part of the world we were in).
The ‘guy’ is still following me like a lost puppy and it’s beginning to get on my last nerves. He seemed to get upset if any other guys talked to me. How do I know that? Well he seems to appear in the midst of every chat I was having with any guy. Now y’all know that when Kenyans are saying bye to each other, no matter the occasion whether it’s a party or at the bus-stop, the process takes about an hour or so. I’m doing my goodbye laps and he is clicking at my heels. So very annoying!
When he sees that I am on my way out, he also states that he too is on his way out and would like to walk me to my car, which I politely refuse. I mean WTH?!!I don’t know you like that for you to be giving me a push to my mots (LOL). I will take my chances with the patrolling cops around the neighborhood.

Twenty minutes later, I am still on the road and the only thing keeping me awake is some random radio station I tuned to that is playing Contemporary Christian Rock music.
Ring ring goes my phone.
The number looks strange:

“Hello” I say with a bored voice.
“Hey Kelitu. It’s H. I was calling to see if you had gotten home already.”
“Nah, still on the road.”
“So can we meet today, for lunch or a drink?”
It was about 3am.
“Uhh, I don’t think that will be possible. I have other things to do.”
“Oh, you know I am just sitting here thinking about you. There something special about you. I would like to spend some time with you. Your the 1st Kenyan chic who I have met that is different.” He says. Apparently mamas from his country of origin (South of the Jamhuri border) happen not to have that certain ‘Je n’ai ce quas?!’ ‘cuse me french.

*Thoughts running thru my head when he said this* “Okay, WTH?!! What are you now? A freaking talent agent?! Spending 10 minutes talking with me doesn’t define who I am. And who says I wanna spend time with you?”

So I decided to put this guy out of his misery and proceed to inform him that I am seeing someone. To which he asks.”Is he Kenyan?”
WTH?!! Kwani I can’t date a non-kenyan?
“Actually, he is not Kenyan?” I reply.
“Oh okay, coz even me, I’m seeing someone too.” he says.
“Oh and she is okay with you seeing other people?” I ask
“Well, we are kinda going thru a rough patch.” he says.

Boy oh boy, if I had a nickel for everytime I have heard that line…mmm, mmm, mmm.

“Look, if you recall I did not want to give you my number in the beginning because of this but you kept insisting. I don’t want you getting any ideas that anything could happen.”

Silence on the other end of the phone.

“Look H I gotta go, I am about to hit a drop zone and my phone will disconnect. So good nite.”
“Okay, Kelitu. Good nite.”

I almost threw my phone out the window in disgust…Where is a prepaid phone when you need one?

The next day, H keeps calling my phone non-stop. I’m at a house party and I clearly don’t have time to be dealing with his stories.

The following week was a repeat of the weekend, him calling non-stop using different numbers. Finally by the end of the week, he pages me and I return the call steaming.

“Hey Kelitu. You are so hard to get hold off.”
“Yeah well, I’m a busy person.”
“So the weekend is here, can we meet?”
“Look H. I told you, I’m seeing someone and I don’t think that it would be right to do that behind his back.”
“Why don’t I call you after work…”
“No, there’s nothing that you would tell me that would change my mind.” I interject before he is done,
“No please, let me call you…”
“No please don’t call me.” I respond. “Good Bye.”

I felt bad that it came to this. I was feeling soo drained dealing with him. But I wasn’t feeling him like that. Did I lead in on? But how? Talking about work related issues is a come-on nowadays?

I did not hear from him for several days, then he pops up again. Calls and leaves some sobby message that I should call him back and stuff…arrghh!! Okay that’s one character that is not good on a man who is trying to score with me. If I’m not feeling you. I think you have to be intelligent enough to read in between the lines. I don’t have to spell everything out to you.
Hopefully H will lose my number sometime soon coz I’d hate to have to read him out.


Posted by on August 20, 2006 in Uncategorized


9 responses to “Have you Ever…

  1. Chatterly

    August 20, 2006 at 16:36

    Tabia za psychopath…that is why I dont dish my number to every tom, dick and harry. No matter how much one begs 🙂 sometimes comes across as rude but I really don’t care, coz mwishowe I am the one who’ll be getting those calls 24/7.

  2. kelitu

    August 21, 2006 at 12:05

    You know what Chatterly, that’s true. I have learnt my lesson.

  3. Kenyanchick

    August 22, 2006 at 02:58

    … and then they call women clingy? Tch!

  4. spicebear

    August 24, 2006 at 03:05

    so, out of town i meet this dude, he follows me the whole night and i give him the fake number for the chinese place. i forget then i meet him again at a bbq. i figure karma thinks she’s got a sense of humour and i leave it (why bother explaining why he was asked for his order?) then i meet him in my neck of the woods, cos he relocated and “can we meet up and you know, talk?” karma’s a bitch, cos i know i didn’t do anything that warranted that kind of pest around me. he’s like the s.i unit of sleaze, eek!

    but that dude’s behavious is priceless, yaani you mesmerized him that much? hehe, you got that voodoo i tell you, voodoo!

  5. The Devious One

    August 24, 2006 at 10:51

    *Cue sinister music*

    Psycho psycho psycho….woman run as far as Ur nomadic legs can take U !

    Mama you’re nice that you even tolerated him following you coz I would have pushed the bitch mode button thats located over here ( points at back of neck ) then tell him what I think of his tabia and finish it off with a smile and walk off !

    If he doesnt get the picture which seems tobe the case…next time he calls U have a dude answer the phone….usually works.
    Lemme know how this pans out !

  6. Nakeel

    August 24, 2006 at 12:40

    Next time just dish the service provider number I gave one the voicemail activating number.

  7. Rista

    August 25, 2006 at 16:45

    Hi Kelitu. Can you block the number? Be very very careful ’cause this guy’s strategy (proven to work since the dawn of time) is to persistently wear you down then leave you rending your clothes and gnashing your teeth. Give no quarter, don’t be nice, just go ‘click’. And next time, say your boyfie is kenyan… nothing irritates non-kenyan (african) men more than that. Plus they’ll get the sense that it’s for real… I know enough guys who whine “you kenyans only go out with other kenyans”.
    Good luck.

  8. Princess

    August 25, 2006 at 18:13

    I also refuse to give my number to anyone because it is such a pain to have someone blowing up your phone like they are being paid to. Pacific Bell used to have a feature where you could program a person’s number and when they called they would hear a message saying “The party you are trying to reach does not wish to hear from you.” You had to subscribe to it but it was priceless. Cell phones need that feature.

  9. kelitu

    August 27, 2006 at 13:25

    Hey Rista. Trust and believe i have a kenyan guy on standby if the dude dares to call back. Kwanza i told him to answer the phone in a full kenyan-accent.

    Princess i call my phone service and told me they don’t offer blocking for cell phones…yeah, i’m still picking my jaw from the floor after that.


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