Oh! What a crazy several days it has been. I have been soo busy running up and down trying to make her royal highness- mother- feel at home. Yes momma’s in town!!
So i have turned into a 24-7 butler, cook, chauffeur, tour guide and maid. I am as tired as a runaway slave!
Mother’s visit was not a surprise, actually i knew about it 3 months in advance. It wasn’t until she finally arrived that it finally hit me- this ish is for real!!
What is it about parents- esp moms that make you(a grown ass man/woman) feel like an 8 year old? I have been busy putting things in and about my life in order or rather on lockdown. Let it be know that my mom is a God-fearing woman and anything remotely demonic, she is not afraid to kemea it.
Here are some of the things that have had to change drastically:
- Been looking for a Christian radio station in my car radio since i am her full-time driver bila benefits. I tell you where is Waumini FM when you need it?! I am always on those non-stop hip-hop stations or listening to genge. I resulted to buying some Ron Kenoly and Don Moen CD’s. Haki if one of y’all owns a Munishi CD or even tape-will take anything at this point- i highly appreciate.
- My TV ADD is coming to a halt. I have 2 telis in the house but we have to sit together and watch one and she is not appreciating my channel surfing ways. “Ebu nione hiyo commercial” is her mantra now. Also i had to put a password on some channels- BET to be exact- Lord know what she would say if she saw all that booty shaking.
- There are changes in the sleeping department as well. I can no longer wear something sexy to bed (sleepwear entitles a slip with no panties- love to be unrestricted). Manze i had to go buy some serious cotton pj’s. I feel like a mono back in high school. WTH?! All i need is a bad mattress and pillow to match.
- My weekend pleasure, going to Barnes and Nobles and reading Hustler or King Magazine is no more. I am now walking right past them and heading for the T.D Jakes section. How can one explain to one’s parent what you are trying to get out of a magazine who’s front cover has a heavy-bottom chick in something that would make dental floss look like a priestly robe?
- Oh and forget all that self- pleasure business. Gone are the days of enjoying walking around the crib naked eating ice-cream. Or laying on the couch and getting to know myself better…Ahem! LOL!! Thank goodness i don’t own a rabbit- i cannot talk myself out of that mess if she ever found one. So, i am officially operating from the shower, which is kind of hard coz boy if i miss a step, slip and fall. Nitasema nilikuwa niki-do nini?!
- And no more booty calls, phone sex or sleeping out. I am going diggz strait after work- no funny business. The lady is silently keeping a timer: how long i am on the phone, what time the call came in, am i whispering and speaking in cryptic codes, asks what time i get off work every other day. I tell you this lady should have worked for the KGB…
Now before y’all paint me with the ‘crazy-daughter’ brush. My mom and i have taken a step back and reviewed our relationship. We no longer fight each other and she forgave me for giving her countless headaches with boys,booze and clubbing when growing up. I forgave her for the times she threw me out of the house- yes it got to that on several occasions but i refused to leave the diggz. LOL! May blog about it someday. I am no longer that wild rebellious teen- no for real though. I done grown into a very responsible lady- still a freak but responsible.
On the positive side, at least i finally have someone waiting for me after a long day’s work, oh and a hot plate of cooked food (not those TV dinners that i am famous for). It’s not going to be that bad, for the next few weeks. We have become very good friends and she is one person always on my corner cheering me on.
Therefore i am willing to compromise on some things. One thing i will not be changing is my greeting. I am not switching from “hey how ya doin” to “Bwana asifiwe sana.” Momma please, ebu chill and let me be.