Holiday Nostalgia

18 Apr

I have absolutely nothing to report about this past Easter. Holidays up here really don’t count as much. It was just like any other weekend to me, only difference was that i got a chance to eat more than usual on Sunday.

I miss the pomp that went with sikukuu’s back in the day(when i was in primo), all the cooking, chapoz, kuku choma. The kreti za soda that my bro or uncle would bring, ( i swear it use to be like the 2nd coming of Christ) what a delight, i use to run for Krest!

I love the rave …or rather used to (when i was in High school and campus)…trust me i used to count how many ‘Super-souls’ there were in a year and i would jipanga how i was going to convince my mum to let me go out. You see my mum did not believe in the rave (it was the devil’s den according to her). So if she allowed me to go out on Friday, she did not see the importance of going out on Saturday. She would ask “Kwani ni music gani hii inchezwa uko hakushiba jana?!” So i had to get slick with her. Ooh and that thing of going to relaz so that we could eventually head out never worked in our home. If relaz are going to be visited it will be during the day. Mum had this thing of wanting to be informed in advance that you wanted to go out over the weekend, so that she could come up with a reason as to why you shouldn’t go (i swear i ponyokad writing a thesis as to why i would want to rave…). So i had to go all hard on her. I would shower, dress up and let her know that i was going to carnivore (the only rave she knew) when in fact i was going the opposite direction.

All those lies we used to tell each other when we were doing our KCSE ati, “I’m under Yusuf…” I guess that was our Kenyan version of saying, “I’m grown.” LMAO! Hey, we had to do what we needed to do…

One of the craziest super-soul i have EVER had was one that fell the same day as my birthday. I hooked up with my cousins,(for once in my life my folks allowed me to go for a ‘sleep-over’ we begged for about 2 weeks, we had to promise that we were not going to the rave…thank goodness no-one pulled out a Bible to swear upon).

Saturday, we hit out the club scene. Of course i was using the line”It’s my Birthday!” So i was getting free drinks or as people like to say…kupewa lol! Before long a particular guy caught my eye (and what they say about women looking pretty after 2am and a dozen drinks later defiantely applied to this guy). We started flirting with each other. I stepped up to him (coz i’m bold like that, plus drunk as a skunk) told him i was digging him and would like to go check him out… So here i am, busy nibbling his ear and his girlfriend was seated next to him!! I know i know, my drunk ass ponyokad a beat-down either that or she was also on the down-low as well, coz she wasn’t at all bothered with me being there.

I told the guy to meet me outside. Fifteen minutes later the dude appeared and we got to rubbing shamelessly at the door of the club (okay kids stay away from drugs). We took off and went behind a car and as we continued kissing i noticed he kept putting his fingers(the fore-fingers) into my ears…i’m like WTH?! Is that supposed to turn me on?! I kept removing his fingers but he would still go back…argghh!!
So in the heat of passion, i tell him to unleash what he is packing…DAMN!!! That was the SMALLEST penis i have ever encountered!! I had to do a double take…WTH?!! Anyway he was already out and i was like mmh…haijalishi…lemme proceed. (I know, alcohol is a mother) . He did not last long (thank God) that and plus i couldn’t feel nothing. Then he goes like he wants to go down on me…HELL NAW!! I blew him off and told him it wasn’t that important. So he goes like “Si we hook up tomorrow in carni then i will come with protection and we can hit the skins…?” I was like, “Sawa” and we went back inside.

Come Sunday when we headed off to carni, i had completely forgotten about the pint-sized guy, (please i was in such a haze the night before who would have remembered?). I hooked up with my pals who were busy buying shots outside. So after knocking back several sambuca shots, my head was in the right space. As i was stumbling along i got grabbed from behind…ala it’s the dude from the previous night. He is like sooo excited to see me and he goes like, “I left my gal at home and i came with condoms. I am all set”. I was like, “So?! I am not in the mood man.”
“But i told my chick to stay home so that i could be with you?”
“Ha, tough luck buddy, i gotta go.” I then proceeded to holla at a pal who was across the lawn, yaani those village hollaz “Psst, psst nanio…you! is of how?!” Left the guy mataa.

I was thinking that i shook the guy off…wapi? He was hunting for me the whole night, up to a point where i was busy ducking and weaving when i went outside. Finally he caught up with me, holding me around the waist and trying to kiss me and whatnot. I was soooo not feeling him at this point and since i had a drink in my hand i poured it on his back. He was sooo shocked he could not come up with an epithet.I walked away without looking back(yes it’s by God’s grace he did not wipe his shirt with my face).

I went back to my cousins and decided i was better off hanging out with them, incase beef breaks-out i was in good hands.

As fate would have it…or rather slap me one in the face, I did meet up with the guy…yes i did… in broad daylight!! I tried to hide but it was those streets where it was just the two of us approaching each other from opposite directions and turning around would look kaudu suspicious. I said greeted him and chatted a bit (I was suprised he remembered me). He wanted another date, uh-uh! I wasn’t about to do THAT rematch, he is better off with his!

Aaah! The joys & perils of Holiday drinking back in the day…nothing like it i tell you, nothing like it!


Posted by on April 18, 2006 in Uncategorized


10 responses to “Holiday Nostalgia

  1. Acolyte

    April 18, 2006 at 20:06

    That post rocked!The para about the dishi had my mouth watering!I remember the “bashes” in langata that I used to go to before I came of age!But I have never gone for a Super Soul!My people never used to go for them!
    Assumes air of superiority
    Looool!But for interesting hanye adventures there was always Super Rock and other Carni functions!Ebu I start saving to go home next summer when I am done with masomo!

  2. spicebear

    April 19, 2006 at 00:42

    he stuck fingers in your ears? lol, wewe msichana you have finished me. your escapades are too much!
    my parents introduced the five W’s of going anywhere – when, where, what, who and why. these were unfair practices i tell you, cos we had to answer all the w’s and at the same time jitetea, kwanza the why part. two weeks in advance. WTH?
    i miss holidays back home, here pasaka passed by bila fanfare and people kept texting me to tell me storos of nyam chom, holidays and whatnot. man! i was green with evy.
    my comment is long enough as it is, but this was one deadly post.

  3. Medusa

    April 19, 2006 at 01:03

    I have no idea what I’m doing up at this hour..lakini this post makes it worthwhile..rofl..Plus, I just caught up with your other one- dirty talk in swa..too damn funeee!
    Poor guy..I wonder where he is now..If he still has an ear fetish..ha!

  4. Movie Buff

    April 19, 2006 at 09:18

    lol… first off… my paros used to swallow the “Im going to sleep at the cuzos place” and then we would go out…..

    Lakini, u have shindad with this one… LOL… and that mano….. he he… the ear… LMAO… good one!

  5. Kagz

    April 19, 2006 at 12:40

    Thanx for stopping bye.

    Wa! Ati you have nothing to report about this past Easter? Mine was full of sooo much activity i dont even know where to begin blogging.

    “I’m under Yusuf” hahaha
    Brings back lotsa good memories

    Looks like i’m not the only one who was katazwad sleep-overs šŸ™‚

  6. The Devious One

    April 19, 2006 at 17:32

    Maybe dude has a thing for ear wax ??Ojh the things we do in the name of alcohol…thx for the refresher course ha ha !

  7. Samborera

    April 20, 2006 at 07:42

    Perhaps it was cold out, hence the smallness.

  8. kelitu

    April 20, 2006 at 11:51

    Acolyte, Super Soul was a rite of passage when i was in high school. Rock nite was the thing in campus, damn i miss home!

    Spicebear, i swear our folks were such mwenjoyo killaz. Trust me we will be worse than they were with our kids…i think…

    Medusa, that ear fetish was… *shudder* Mmmh i wonder were he is too…lol!

    Movie Buff, lucky you. My mum must have gone for FBI training…could smell a conspiracy a Kilometer away.

    Kagz, Hey I would never want to go back to being a teen…that was a stressful life for me.

    Devious One, i feel for his mama she must be one chick with very clean ears lol!

    Samborera, LMAO!! ati cold outside.

  9. The Devious One

    April 20, 2006 at 14:31


  10. kelitu

    April 20, 2006 at 17:46

    I swear deviousone…step away from the weed!! ati bundle of joy…salale!


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