Dirty talk

12 Apr

Does talking dirty turn you on?

I know a few people who get turned on when their significant other talk nasty to them either before or during intercourse.

I don’t mind dirty talk, not that it turns me on…naahh. I just wanna hear how your game flows. I had this guy who’s best line he could come up with was, “I’mma f**k you like a rabbit.” lol!(Yes this was during sex). Yaani i bursted out laughing and he got mad ati i wanted him to make a fool of himself… kijana you are doing a good job all by yourself! We ended breaking up, maybe i shouldn’t have laughed all the time we got together after incident, but i could not help myself.

There a limit to the amount of dirty words you can dish out during sex. I am not a fan of guys who break out in the B-word, S-word and swearing like a sailor. WTH?! And don’t give me that lie that you can’t climax until you spit out a cuss word…I am not having you insult me with my ass buck-naked in mid-air. At least wait till the did is done…ala!

So if your talk skills are not that good, it always helps to be polite.

  • Be nice and compliment me(you don’t have to be a rocket scientist to figure out that mamaz love being complimented). It does a woman good to be told that she is more beautiful when naked.
  • Be realistic. Don’t comparing my ass to Beyonce’s…gimme a break!!You might talk yourself out of some ass.

I’m not a fan of being katiwad in swa. And worse dirty talk in swa…WTH?! Before you break out into that famous tune “Kiswahili kitukuzwe, kwani ni lugha ya taifa…” I love swahili, but in a regular conversation type of setting. When it comes to bedroom dialogue, oh hell to the naw!!. I mean what do you want me to break out in, a thong or a kamusi?!

Seriously, i’m not knocking off your hassle if your from coast or TZ. Your probably good at your game. But man, if you is from the city with shaky swa, you better hush up and let your tongue do the talking.

I did a little translation of a few words and it had me running to the hills in laughter. Here are my top 5

5. I love it when you give me head- “Ninapenda unaponipa kichwa” Huh?. Kwani ni kichwa ya mbuzi.

4. Turn around i want to see that ass- “Geuka ningependa kutazama hilo tako.”

3. I want to hit that from the back- “Nataka kukububuta kutoka kwa nyuma”

2. Spank me – “Ni charaze” LOL!

1. Oh Yes Yes. I’m coming, i’m coming – “Na’am na’am. Naja najaaaa”

I’m just saying, swa should be left alone in the classroom.


Posted by on April 12, 2006 in Uncategorized


18 responses to “Dirty talk

  1. The Devious One

    April 12, 2006 at 15:36

    How could U forget this one..

    Who’s yo daddy ?- Nani babako ??

    Im the first one here – Mimi ndio wa kwanza ! he he he he

  2. The Menace Within

    April 12, 2006 at 15:37

    I love your writing style! Must say, your message is clear. Wanta do lunch? BTW don’t know any Swahili, but am completely capable of communicating! I will be posting my “The art of Camel-Toe Pedicure” article later today. Feel free to check it out and give me your feedback.

  3. spicebear

    April 12, 2006 at 22:28

    lol, ati im’a f*ck you like a rabbit? translate it into swa – nitakutomba kama sungura …. lol! i would have laughed him out of the room.
    talking dirty in swa makes me go ‘huh’? this one dude used to go “nitakutomba kweli kweli” – i will f*ck you good … or did i get that translation wrong? regardless, he most definately talked himself out of getting some. moving along.
    dirty vibe in vernacular is just wroooong! at least in mine. never to be used under any circumstances i tell you, never!

  4. kelitu

    April 13, 2006 at 11:48

    @devious one LOL! I was going to write that one when my boss sprung up on me and i had to go into MS Excel quick…

    @the Menace within, name the place and time and oh,lunch is on!

    @spice bear okay that rabbit translation had me on the floor. Vernacular is for vibing grandparents ONLY!Any other use is will result in jail time.

  5. nick

    April 14, 2006 at 01:56

    LOL sqwuared= am not having you insult me with my ass buck-naked in mid-air.

    this is what i needed ealry in the mornin a good laugh

    -u should have a post on the moans and groans as well b4,during and after the curses. “nitakutomba/tia mpaka uitane!”

  6. LaBelle

    April 14, 2006 at 13:09

    Ati “nicharaze”! That is when I would break out into uncontrollable giggles. Definitely not the effect they were going for. 😀

  7. Movie Buff

    April 14, 2006 at 13:34

    Im officially in fits of giggles…….LOL… but u do make a point. …. A very good one… umm… swa in the bedroom…. nah! I’ll pass…..

  8. mwende

    April 16, 2006 at 13:44

    can’t even remember who told me to check your blog but I am happy I landed here.

    You’re writing great stuff, am so amused!

  9. kelitu

    April 17, 2006 at 12:41

    @Nick…hahaha, that is a very vulnerable position to be in bana.

    @labelle, i hear you.

    @Movie buff,hey.

    @Mwende, welcome.

  10. Acolyte

    April 17, 2006 at 16:31

    My dear!You have made my day!I believe in keeping things simple, in the bedroom every woman is called baby, punctuate with oohs and aaaah and change of pace in breathe.Let her do all the talking in fact she should if your game is good enough!Lakini dearest how can you laugh at a dude in the bedroom!That is game over!But I do feel you coz swa doesnt translate well in the bedroom!

  11. kelitu

    April 17, 2006 at 19:34

    Acolyte, i prefer my name being called out in bed..LOL! Have to make sure you know who you with in bed. Mambo ya babie, sweetie…sitaki. I wanna catch you in a lie.
    As for laughing, manze the way those words chomokad in the middle of all the action going down, manze i could not hold that laughter, i was expecting something kinky, or sexy but rabbits…aiii

  12. Shiroh

    April 18, 2006 at 04:08

    I am laughing at this one
    Ati nitakutomba kama sungura???WTF!!!

    I am with Aco..on this one. Just let her do the talking.

    Kwanza those lines of rabbit is just talk. People with great skills don’t praise themselves.

  13. The.Hanyeé

    April 19, 2006 at 02:45

    Wah! I have sareed this post! Wot!

    Watching the 7 o clock swa news can lead to picking up mad swa bedroom vocabs like, among others:

    “nataka kukuDinya unono”
    (some HEAVY strokes)

    “natabiri nitakuja, punde si punde”
    (will be coming any minute now)

    “Masalaaaaaleh! Hili tundu lako limenikazaaaa…”
    (that sh*t is tight!)

    “sasa hebu tukumbatiane vilivyo katika nafasi ya sitini na tisa…”
    (hit the maaad 69)

  14. Coffee Fiend

    April 19, 2006 at 07:09

    This is hilarious….talking dirty in vernacular nah not happening! Thought I would share something sent to me by a friend..Having sex in Kikuyu is called:
    I had no clue exactly why talking dirty in vernacular or swa is a no, no…

  15. kelitu

    April 20, 2006 at 11:56

    Hanyee, LMAO! yaani i have laughed so hard, i’m about to be kicked out of the library. Kwanza that punde si punde..uh-uh killa

    Coffee fiend…aii that Kuhurana mwaki makes me think of people setting each other ablaze. lol! Thank you for sharing.

  16. Muindi Mbingu II aka necta

    June 2, 2007 at 01:28

    this reminds me, yo fellas if you’ve ever had a one night stand it aint got nothing to do with your game, trust me the girl wanted to fuck you the momment you got in the club.. some how we always say something stupid that ruins all our chances, so the less you talk the more you hit. (advice from one man to the next)

  17. how to talk dirty to a guy

    November 15, 2010 at 12:39

    My boyfriend loves it when I talk dirty to him. I’m quite good at it after some practice but he things I can improve and make it much better. Thanks for the information I’ve been looking for.

    • kelitu

      February 2, 2011 at 17:00

      You are welcome!!! Glad o could be of assistance.


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