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Are there 3 types of men out there??

I will speak for myself since this is how i feel/ felt when the epiphany dawned on me:

3) The Hell nah!!

This is the man that no matter what he does/ tries. You will never get with him. You are not compatible. Not only does he annoy you every-time you see him/ when he open his mouth, your libido lowers a few notches when he leans in for a hug or a kiss on the cheek, not to mention he makes you wanna bath in scalding hot water after a close encounter with him. He tends to get his courage to speak to you after a few beers always claiming his love for you and how he is doesn’t understand why y’all are not together (read married). Then he starts to plead his case once again, making the whole conversation uncomfortable and you are standing there wishing someone would yell “Fire!!!” just so you can cut loose.

Some in this group include stalkers (some), that annoying boy in primary school who used to have a thing for you, that perv of shopkeeper who gave you free candy, the makangaz who gave you free sarez.

2) Hot Damn!

Now this is the guy, your mother warned you about. He has sex appeal oozing even from his nose hairs. Just standing next to him causes sparks of electricity to fly between you two. Your words get stuck in your throat and got to swallow hard and clear your throat several times before you speak all the while saying a silent prayer. You cannot look at him too long for fear of losing your sanity and clothes at the same time. It could be below 0Farenheit, and you will be sweating up a summer storm!!

A hug from him makes your privates tingle and throb at the same time. You make it  point of walking past him several times (going to get a drink, making a call, going to the ladies, hell just any damn thing that will make you strut like Naomi Campbell!!), making him size you up and you are loving every minute you distract him while he is in a conversation with his boys (double score if it’s with some skank who is pushing up on him!!!)

When you finally kiss (that is if you ever do), your mind goes blank and all the kissing skills you claim to possess are clearly M.I.A. And you go home in a daze and can’t think strait for the rest of the night.

He is a time bomb waiting to explode.

Include everyone you know who fits the bill…including yourself.

1)Mr. Mr

He is the perfect guy. Knows what to say and when to say to make you smile. The sex is okay/ great (on special ocassions) . He adores you and thinks the whole world of you. He is slightly boring since he doesn’t get over-excited on the daily (unless it’s sports).

Has a steady job, pays his bills,pretty stable and reliable. Ocassionally hangs out with the guys on the weekends and has a few beers. You are with him because he is a safe bet. Plus you know that he will make a nice husband and father to your kids (unlike Hot Damn who could be having several baby mamas, some of which he may not be aware). He keeps his jealousy well hidden especially when he sees you interacting with guys who are still trying their hand to get at you. He may not be what you envision growing up (thanx Mills & Boons) but he makes you happy and that is what counts…. or does it?!!

Includes current husband, boyfriend, fiance… or (one you dumped for Hot damn).

Here’s the deal…

If you are going to do something, i need you to do it wholeheartedly!!!

I had this stalker, but now he is slacking on the job, and not stalking me the way a stalker is suppose to. I have to say, i ain’t pleased.

See this guy would be lurking waiting for me to pop up and then we would chat and talk and laugh and then i would off on my merry way. But for the last week i have noticed he has not been diligent.

Come to find out he done up and went and got himself a date. I mean what the hell??!!And he thinks this shit is cute, busy telling me “i think i done found the one, so i’m taking baby steps.”

*pukes*

If you are stalking someone, you do not have the time to be getting into relationships and junk, you are busy stalking. Boy am i steamed!! How are you suppose to give me 100% attention (wanted /unwanted) when you busy wining and dining other women??!!

Therefore, i’m putting the word out that i’m looking for a dedicated stalker who will give me his all. Blood, sweat and guts.  I need commitment y’all, some dedicated to the cause.

If this applies to you please do not hesitate to start stalking. I’m waiting…

Get that monay honay!

I am a proud member of a website that is full of women without morals… hehehe.

Yep, i ventured over to the dark side.

The website is made up of women who sleep with men for money… oh wait, make that rich men for money and ain’t ashamed of it.

I stumbled about it a while back and i loved really all these sordid details these women who have slept with wealthy and sometimes famous men and some have even slept with the same men… i know i know… i LOVE it!!

So one time someone posted a question asking if you are sleeping with a guy for money(gold-digging) why not become a prostitute? Well lemme just say that people got to typing hard defending their ways of earning a living.

One lady stated that the difference btwn being a pro and a gold-digger is that she gets diamonds, trips and designer bags, trips, access to call him (aka priviledges). SOmething call-girls don’t get.

Another said that she is working her way up to getting wifed by one of her rich regulars (apparently, they love her).

Another stated that it’s called the pussy hustle and people shouldn’t hate on women who want to lay on their backs and get money and things by sleeping instead of a regular 9-5 job. A hustle is a hustle apparently, whether on foot or on your knees.

Another said, “Why even bother trying to form like this fake relationship when all you want is money. You’re going to sleep with him plenty of times anyway why no just go ahead and get paid for it everytime.”

Then another said, ” closed legs don’t get fed.” This quote had me on the floor laughing.
So my question to you readers and lurkers, is their a difference btwn a call-girl and a gold-digger? I mean they all tried to get some bread, so why not dig for gold with the coochie?

P/S: Archer don’t talk about my blog design, i will shank back space you!!

I know, i know i know…

I have been neglectful.

Just lost my blogging mojo jojo there.

I’m back and got loads to talk about. I’m going in on EVERYONE and EVERYTHING!!

Is it just me?

Have you ever looked up in the sky and…

noticed that it looks different depending on where you are in the world?

Or is it just me?!!

*blinks twice*

Are you for real?!!

Happy September everyones and everyones.

Okay, so with all this Obama talk going on, one of my acquaintances said THE most dumbest thing i have heard…so far.

She said that she will NOT be voting for Obama because… are you ready for this?…. He is part Luo.

She is ofcourse Kikuyu…

Yep, i am at a loss of words. I mean how do you respond to such a statement?!!

…Goodness me…

I am sooo loving my vacation!!

So today i was in the water, and why was the soundtrack to Jaws signing in my head. You know… before the shark attacks.

Granted there were alot of people in the water and some were way ahead of me, i still kept thinking, “hope i don’t get nibbled by a shark!!” And this happened everytime i went into the water.

I blame Primeval for the hang-ups.

Yes i thot a croc was gonna jump at me too.

SMH!!

Interlude…

Enjoy these jamz, while i try not to get a sun-tan…

Trust me, you’ll love them

Sina Makosa

Kasuku

Nitafanya nini

This is the JAM!!!

AOB

One of my good friends is having aa small get-together later on this week and informed me that some trifling trick who used to be my good pal back in the day will make in appearance.
Ugh!! Words cannot begin to describe how i can’t stand this bitch! She is those jealous, catty, fake-ass people that i can’t stand. I don’t know why my friend is inviting her over when she has talked about her like a dog.

I trust there will be lots of fake-smiling and Internal eye-rolling going on!!

As long as she stays the hell out of my way, things will be cool. One false move or snide remark and i’ll cut her with the butter knife!!

*exhales*

Wooooossaahhhhh!!!!!

Riddle me this….

Why is it that when a guy realizes that you have moved on they try to make a reconnection?

Case in point, there this one guy who after i told him how i felt about him, he shut me down big time!! We had been messing around for a while back when we broke-up from his fiance and i needed someone to scratch my mini-itch going on.

Don’t boo-hoo for me, i finally got over him and moved on to a waaaayyy better and healthy relationship.

Before we went our separate ways, i had gotten some movies from him and even forgot about them

So he texts me 3 weeks ago, requesting that i return his movies. This was after asking me to return them like 2 months ago but our schedules were not clicking.The one time i had an evening to spare, not only did he want me to return the movies but accompany him for a night movie. I quickly shut down that offer and made up some story about having plans. I didn’t want to be in the same enclosed space with him.

Here’s the deal about the last time we went to the moves, i paid and he said that he would pick up the tab next time around. Anyway, we never watched much of it…. (fill in the gaps).  Avoiding temptation pit-falls at all costs.

After a few deep breaths, i decide we meet in a public parking lot, in broad daylight.  Boy am i glad!! The minute i saw him i was sooo grateful i moved on. He looked washed up!! Thank God that brand of weed i was smoking got recalled!! We chatted for a bit and i was on my merry way.

This past weekend, he texts me with some information i needed. Then he turns the story to we need to go for a movie… huh?!! “you know i owe you one bla bla bla…”

I think to myself, “Why does he need to go to the movies with me when he still has a “not-over-relationship” with his ex, not-so-ex girlfriend?”

Some men outta get shot!!