I’m tired!

Tired of feeling guilty… no wait, tired of you making me feel guilty.

I apologised and apologised but it’s like you want to hold it over me, raking me over the coals over and over again…

and i can’t take it anymore!!!!

So now, i’m done because i know that i will never make you happy nor will you ever trust me. I have to move on with my life.

I would have taken you back but written words speak louder than actions.

Hopefully, the next women will make you more happy and secure than i did.

I ain’t dead!!!

Just took a long ass sabatical.

Where all y’all at? hmmmmm!!!

So i need advice…. should i or should i not join KBW?

Men, men, men. Can we talk?

Okay after conducting a small survey the results are in:

1) When we are sitting on the couch relaxing, talking, watching tv. It would be nice if you looked into my eyes more than once rather than staring at my breasts. It helps to know you better.

2) When it’s time for foreplay, gently caress the breasts. Don’t turn the nipples like radio dials, also while on the subject of nipples… Nipple does not equal breast. The whole mammary gland is the breast!!

3) Trimming and filing finger and toe nails is a MUST!! I was watching this jacked up kenyan porn the other day and the girl kept getting hurt by this guy who had long nails. C’mon y’all that is so not the business. Some of you men need to understand that once you cut your nails, you need to file the edges smooth to avoid ripping our soft skin. Nothing kills the mood faster than getting your feet macheted by some jacked up toes while your legs are tangled up with his.

4) If you don’t know you way  downtown, or once you get there, can’t find you way around. Ask for directions. Don’t be down there fumbling like you are looking for a light switch.

5) When it comes to doing the do. Here a tip for ya: Don’t ask us to call you daddy. Not every woman has father issues. Where do men get off wanting to be called daddy? Boy stop!!

6) While in the process of doing it, if we hit a dry patch, kindly exit and apply more lube. You spitting on us, or the condom, is a strait turn-off.

7) You strait jack-hammering us for 2 hours strait with no break in not the biz. Forget what the porn stars and penthouse book says, it’s annoying and we don’t like it!! What you trying to do? Fuck the coochie to death?!

8 ) After we are done, don’t ask, “So how was it? did you like it?  did you come?”  Weren’t you there?!! The hell you asking me for!

9) If you will be requiring head. Please be advised that you will need to trim and clean your region. Your penis looking like the keeper of the wig-crypt is not appealing. When it comes to cleaning, some y’all men are just nasty with it. You need to clean your ass before you pull down y’alls pants to get some service. Smelling like a dead racoon with your boxers round your ankles is disgusting!

10) It’s ‘09 and yes women are becoming more and more open. So if we request a tossed salad- sans vinaigrette, don’t start rebuking the devil and pouring holy water on us just because we happen to like rear activity. So if you not going to do it, trust me, Jimmy from across town is the King of Salads, we will get ours.

To be continued…

I was reading this article on how pro-athletes get plenty of play ass a result of… well being a pro-athlete. You could be buck-tooth ugly and just because you are a pro, women will be fawning all over you and even tell you how they would love to suck on your buck tooth cause it’s all sexy and stuff!!

Groupies are in every aspect of society, it’s the amount that varies. So don’t think it’s only Kobe who is getting ass, the chupa na ndebe guy is as well (on a small scale though).

The groupies are tenacious in trying to snag themselves a baller.

It must be hard to remain faithful, don’t you think? If you are getting women throwing themselves at you CONSTANTLY, every where you go!!! And you know these women come dressed in next-to-nothing type of clothing and are more than willing to bend over and show you a sample sale of the goodies even before you decide if you wanna be with her or not.

If you got approached by women/ men (i am being liberal here!)  who have killa bodies with food-stamp faces (aka butta face), would you budge? If she was hot body and face except for the ashy elbows and knees, you’d you give her a second glance?

Now my question to you is, are you as faithful as your options?

My comp keeps clearing my cookies and it’s such a pain cause i do not remember all of my passwords (i have like 6… or more of them, so i just have some websites remember my info coz i can’t keep up!!)

So anyway after a weekend of hard drinking, i end up spending the rest of the week fighting off a nasty cold.

Alas, i’m back!!

Ain’t nothing as bad as trying to get your drink on with your sneeze on. Doesn’t gel my friends, doesn’t gel! What is with the flu strains going around? They are lethal!! I couldn’t get out of bed on tuesday!!

But thank King Jesus for healing, i’m alive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It’s a sunny afternoon but i am not venturing out, it is way too hot for me.  Plus i am in no mood to comb my ‘fro. God knows it takes a whole lot of will power to comb it during the week, don’t think i wanna touch it over the weekend.

I’m thinking of doing cute matutaz for the upcoming week… i wonder what my boss will say??!!

LMAO!!!

Please, this is strait up X-rated talk…. NSFW!!!!

Hillarious….NSFW!!!!

Hillarious 2… NSFW!!

Now that is one loaded question.

Okay, so at what point do you get comfy farting in the presence of your significant other? I am not talking about married folk, coz after you say your I DO’s…  invest in a gas mask.

*insert Darth Vader breathing sound effects*

I heard some celeb say after 3 months, it’s okay to let it rip… but c’mon you know 3 months in celeb world= 5 years!!

It’s best to handle the biz in the bathroom but it’s kinda hard, esp when the two of you are kicking it.  You tend to keep going to the bathroom, let one out, come out and on the way back, feel the need to let out another one. So that’s where you get to squatting (while exhaling) in the bathroom and let all them little extra bubbles go.  Ahhhhh sweet relief!!

But sooner rather than later, once you get back to couch cuddling, you feel the need to gas up one more time. And now it’s annoying coz the movie can’t keep getting paused every time! So you hold it in till you feel the need to take a pee… not a good idea coz then a storm starts brewing… below. And it’s only a matter of time before disaster strikes. God forbid, a make out session starts while you are in this predicament and your thigh gets lifted….*explosion sound effects*

So i need your two cents in the gas jar….

How long does the charade need to last before the real weapons of mass destruction are unearthed?!

I know, i know… didn’t know the new year would get here that fast.

mama needs to get typing.

Got plenty of laughs for all y’all…. but now… i have a glass of red wine waiting for me and gotta update my facebook status!!

Happy Easter!!!

So as i was skeeming thru the latest Cosmo… nah, not trying to get the latest sex skills… by the way do those things work? because i tell you you need a map, flashlight and some tape to find all these hot zones as well as stay turned on and work it!!  I mean is it ssex, or a surgery 201?

Anywhorgasm, i was reading about being a drunkorexia and i was like “hey, that me.” you know chics who eat little and drink much to so as not to gain weight…. i like the more traditional name “chakula kinywaji’ which stands for liquid food. The only problem that i am haivng with being a drunkorexia is that i am back to working out. So now it’s becoming more and more difficult to drink after i work out… and of course i can’t drink before the work, (even i know that), that would totally kill my buzz!!! :-p

Well, i console myself that at least i ain;t a drug-orexia… poeple who consume diet pills to lose weight.

With that sai,

Merry Christmas and  Happy NEW Year to all!!

Here’s *hic* to all *hic*

p/s: and i will resolute to blog more… i do need to start writing my blogs on word so that i can copy paste… mmhhh i will look for that program on my vista…which sucks ass!!

Anyway i’m rambling…

toodles y’all!!!

yeah i haven’t been able to blog for a minute….

btwn the recession and drama filled relationships my friends are having, my stalker being back and not taking NO for an answer and O.J. Simpson finally going to jail….  i can’t keep up!!

i am only one girl from the slopes of Shimba hills!!